David Rees Quotes.
I talked to people in the pencil industry and I talked to people as I was sharpening their pencils about the frustrations they have with pencils, so I really did do my research and I do know more about pencils than most people.
To me, if you’re lucky enough to make stuff that people will pay money for, do a good job. Really do a good job. Especially if you’re talking about real stuff, like terror atrocities and human rights abuses and pencil-sharpening techniques.
I don’t even drink Coke. It tastes like robot sweat.
The thing I hear about a lot is when people over-sharpen their pencil with a single-blade pocket-sharpener and then when they put the pencil to the page, their tip breaks and pencil points always break irregularly. It always gets all jagged and you have to refresh the point. That’s a common complaint.
Talking about my personal life onstage, I’ve realized I’m not one of those comics who can do that. I can allude to it but I don’t want to be a confessional performer.
The way you make money is to do something you don’t like to do. And that’s how you know you’re a virtuous person.
I’ve always liked Richard Pryor. I’ve always responded to rhythmic profanity.
I’ve never been good at self-promotion. And my URL is really obscure. And for years and years, there was nothing about me on my website.
I would make a comic for Rolling Stone every two weeks, because they’re biweekly. And then I would make weekly comics for my weekly papers. It was on two parallel tracks. And then they all got collected in a book.
It would be amazing to tell my grandchildren, like, ‘Yeah, I was paid to sharpen 1,000 pencils.’
I wanted to get paid to sharpen pencils originally just because I thought it would be fun.
I’m not a professional comedian. Nobody comes to my comedy shows. That’s just a little hobby.
I started sharpening pencils at the census and how that was a difficult time in my life because my marriage was ending and I had quit cartooning and I didn’t know what to do with myself.
The things I’m grateful for are: I had the one thing that I feel really lucky about, which is that I made something, I made art, that truly – in a weird way – truly comforted me and comforted a lot of people. And I’m really grateful that I got to have that experience.
